Sleepless Nights: Season Two
by LE McMurray
Summary: SG1's sleepless nights for Season Two.
1. In The Line Of Duty

Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad as always.

Hope you like it and all comments welcome but remember I'm not good at writing Sam.

* * *

It's odd.

All this time we've spent fighting the Goa'uld, hating them for what they have done to innocent people like my friends yet now I'm grateful to one for saving my life.

Jolinar.

I feel like I'm suffocating in this small room but I just don't have the energy to leave.

He saved me.

He died for me and now I have no idea what I feel.

x

It didn't hurt.

Having him inside me, I don't remember the pain that Kendra described. It was more like being wrapped in a damp cloth, just something stopping me taking control back. It was like I was a spectator in my own life. He kept whispering to me how sorry he was he had to do this. I wish I'd learned more about these Tok'ra but that isn't possible. Jolinar is dead but I'm not.

x

What I'm really dreading is when Daniel asks me if I know where Sha're is. I know he wants to I could see it in his eyes. Jolinar did know and I begged him not to use it against Daniel but he was desperate. The one thing that could crack Daniel's resolve like an egg was the possibility Jolinar knew where his lost love is.

But he didn't let me know.

By this time Jolinar was just letting me watch and not giving me any information more than I needed to know.

I might get Jack to tell him because I don't think I can look in his eyes and watch hope die. I don't have the strength for that just now.

x

Cassie is asleep next to me.

She came in and hugged me without saying anything else. As I hugged her back I cried slightly comforted by this little girl I love so much. When Cassie fell asleep next to me I tried to sleep myself.

Janet came in to take Cassie away but I held onto her so tight Janet just left her with me.

x

I have my own team of carers though.

Jack, Daniel and Teal'c are all on standby if I need anything. I don't think I realised until now how much I adore all three of them.

My team.

My friends.

My family.


	2. Secrets:Jack

Author's Notes:-Thanks To Stonedtoad for betaing.

* * *

_**JACK **_

I now know this ceiling really well since I've been staring at it for the last few hours. God what a week. First that thing in Washington and then Abydos.

I managed to ignore what had happened in Washington as I focused all my attention on Daniel.

x

Teal'c gave us a quick rundown of what happened as Janet checked Daniel out after Heru'Ur smacked him. I talked her once again into letting me take him home with me. He needed to be around people so he wouldn't wallow in his misery alone. At least with Sam and I here he had someone to vent his anger on.

x

He saw Sha're and she was having Apophis's kid.

Then he delivered the kid.

Daniel never ceases to amaze me. I know it must have been agony to just sit there and let her go when he was so close to getting her back. When he was so close to getting the woman he loves more than anything back into his life.

As I dragged him up to the spare room he looked at me with dead eyes and whispered my name before he started to crumble.

I supported him as he finally asked for my help.

The one thing about Daniel is he finds it so hard to ask for help, I think it comes from losing his parents when he was so young. He's getting better at it though and right now I think that I'm going to have to just stick by him until he gets through this. I just hope he can.

x

But now I'm not needed I can't help but think of another young man whose life was destroyed because of the Stargate.

At least Daniel is still alive.

Dammit, Armin why did you have to want this story? I mean there had to be something else out there that would have meant you would survive.

I can still feel his blood on my hands as he glared at me hatefully.

_"You did this, son of a bitch."_

x

I might have well just have shot the guy myself.

There has to have been another way they could have stopped his story.

Couldn't they have shown him how important what we do is?

Anything but kill him.

x

I know that Hammond would never do anything like this but I know a hell of a lot of people above him who would happily do it. And I led them right to him.

If he hadn't sought me out then we would have been none the wiser till he published it. What a stupid thing to do. You would think he would know better. But he didn't, he's dead and the programme is safe.

Now if I could just get some sleep.


	3. Secrets:Sam

Author's Notes:-Thanks To Stonedtoad for betaing.

* * *

**_SAM_**

What an insane few days.

When we made it back from Abydos every one of us just wanted to get out of Cheyenne Mountain and head somewhere, anywhere else.

Janet refused to let Teal'c out of the infirmary but the rest of us came back to Jack's house. SG1's other meeting place.

x

I can't believe what happened the second we stepped through the Gate. Out of the Gate and into a firefight, fabulous. Then Apophis appearing and Sha're being there leaving with him.

Daniel looks absolutely awful.

He's still in shock I think but the Colonel refused to leave him alone in the infirmary to brood. I watched as he curled up on the couch and stared blankly at the wall. Looking at nothing his mind thousands of light years away before Colonel O'Neill forced him to go and get some sleep.

Even the quick explanation Teal'c gave us sounded bad enough. I can wait for the full debriefing.

I was hoping to talk to Daniel before this happened, he's the only one I feel could help me just now but until he recovers from the last few days I'll have to keep this to myself.

x

Dad has cancer.

How can Dad, MY DAD, have cancer?

And the way he told me; it was like it didn't even matter. Like it was just something no worse than a damn papercut.

I can barely take it in.

I should call Mark; I'll have to. Dad won't.

What a conversation that'll be:

_"Hey Mark, how are you? By the way Dad has cancer and he's dying. Enjoy your day."_

This can't be right. There HAS to be some sort of mistake; it can't be true.

x

But if it is there has to be something out there, out through the Stargate that can save him. And I'll find it.

I'll find it and I'll save him.

What use is it having technology like that if it doesn't help us?

x

I know Dad and I rarely see each other, God I was shocked to see him in Washington, but I know if he dies there will be a gaping hole in my life.

I can't even tell him what I do and why I was receiving the medal. It's so frustrating I can't tell him his little girl was part of a team responsible for saving the entire world.

Turning down his offer of a place in NASA hurt because I couldn't even tell him why. I couldn't explain that I worked on something so important to humans.

I wanted to tell him that I had already been in space and a lot further than anyone had been by shuttle. I wanted to tell him everything I had seen and all we had done especially why I was receiving the medal.

But I couldn't and I can't.

x

But I refuse to give in to this.

So I will take those three guys, my teammates, my friends and we'll find something to help him.

I have to because I don't think I can face the alternative.


	4. Secrets:Teal'c

Author's Notes:-Thanks To Stonedtoad for betaing.

* * *

**_TEAL'C_**

As I sit here in the infirmary watching my teammates leave I feel that I am extremely lucky. Dr. Fraiser assures me that my injury shall heal quickly thanks to my symbiote. 'Junior' as O'Neill calls it heals all my injuries but I would happily be dead if it meant that Daniel Jackson was not in pain once more.

x

Discovering Sha're on Abydos shocked us both. Discovering her with child was a bigger shock for him and caused him deep pain. My part in having chosen her was forgiven by Daniel Jackson but facing the young woman who I had condemned to a life of torture and suffering I wished I could do anything to change what I had done. However all I could do was ask for her forgiveness.

x

Before we left for the Stargate as Daniel Jackson was talking with Kasuf, Sha're turned to me.

"I know what you did was only out of fear," she told me quietly, "And I know if you could change what has happened you would. Dan'iel trusts you and I know he has forgiven you," she stopped and gave me a sweet smile, "There is no need to ask for my forgiveness, I have never blamed you but I ask you for one thing."

"Anything," I told her with sincerity.

"If something happens to me you must promise that you shall protect him," she implored, "I need to know if I am taken again that Dan'iel shall be safe."

"I promise you," I nodded gently to her, "Though he has always been protected by myself, Captain Carter and O'Neill."

She nodded slightly relief filling her eyes as Daniel appeared beside her and took her hand. The look of love that passed between them was incredible. I have always loved Drey'ac but it was nothing compared to what I knew they felt for each other. Walking towards the Stargate I hoped that we could get back to Earth safely but something told me things would not go as planned.

x

Hiding in the caves Daniel Jackson's insistence that he would not abandon his wife left me knowing that it was very possible we would be killed but I knew my duty was to protect them both. Stopping the Horus guard from beating Kasuf gave me a way to save both Daniel Jackson and the child. I knew that their safety was the most important thing to Sha're and she would be able to fight Ammonet until we were able to help her knowing they were both safe.

Heading back to Kasuf Daniel Jackson carried the child protectively, gazing at him every so often with such affection and sadness. Handing over the child to his father in law I could see the agony in Daniel Jackson's eyes. He wanted to keep the child with him but there was no way we would be able to get past Heru-Ur with the child. I explained my plan for escape to him and he agreed. Bidding Kasuf farewell we headed back to the Stargate.

x

When Apophis appeared through the Stargate we hid. Crouching behind Daniel Jackson I watched as Ammonet appeared. I could feel him become rigid in both fear and anger. If Apophis harmed Sha're in any way for the loss of the child I knew I would probably be unable to restrain him but Apophis only touched her cheek affectionately before turning to leave.

Suddenly Sha're turned and looked directly at him. The sadness in her eyes was equalled with relief that he was safe and I silently repeated my promise to her.

I would protect Daniel Jackson and one day I would help free Sha're from the prison I had placed her in.


	5. Secrets:Daniel

Author's Notes:-Thanks To Stonedtoad for betaing.

* * *

**_DANIEL_**

I can't believe I had to let her go.

I hid and watched as Apophis took her from me again. God it hurt just to sit there. I couldn't even try to stop it because we would have ended up dead then she'd have no hope left.

x

I was so confused the way Kasuf marched us to the town.

Then I saw her.

Sha're was sitting there working as she always did. As she glanced up the look of horror that passed over her face when she saw that I could see where the child was struck me like a knife. When I realised who the father was I couldn't handle it, I just suddenly filled with pure rage and hate.

And I was so angry that I left.

I walked out and abandoned her when she needed me most. I heard her cry out but I didn't care.

Thankfully Teal'c made me realise how selfish I was being.

When I walked back in and she thought I hated her I just felt ill that she didn't know how much I love her, how she is the one who completes me. Then she asked me to forgive her. That rocked me to the core.

Taking her in my arms I held onto her and I promised to take her home with me, I promised she would be safe, I promised I would find some way to help her and we would be together again.

But I wasn't able to keep those promises and she's gone again.

x

At least the child is safe.

I can still hear her begging me to stop it coming, knowing that the Gould would resurface. Knowing that we would be separated again and the possibility we would never find each other ever again was there.

When I refused to leave her in the cave alone she smiled in relief.

I can still hear her voice whisper to me, _"You do love me."_

x

The child, he was so beautiful. So tiny and delicate.

At least I could protect him.

It's like a hot twisting knife in me and the pain is unbearable. Apophis gave her the one thing I couldn't.

A child.

We had wanted a baby for so long. I wanted the family I never had and it wasn't through lack of trying but Sha're had never become pregnant.

x

Why weren't we fast enough to bring her home? Why did this have to happen? Why did Heru'Ur have to choose the moment we were trying to leave to come? Because he arrived the baby started to come and I lost everything again.

x

Jack dragged me here with Sam. I think he felt it would be a good idea for me not to stay in the infirmary though I know Janet wanted me to stay there. Maybe there I could have something to help me sleep.

Jack looked in recently and I pretended I was sleeping. There is no point in him losing sleep.

x

But I know that I found her once and I will find her again.

I promise Sha're I'll find you and we'll be together once more.

I promise.

I promise.

I promise.


	6. Secrets:Sha're

Author's Notes:-Thanks To Stonedtoad for betaing.

Although this was only meant to be SG1's thoughts, I thought it was only fair to let Sha're have her say.

* * *

**_SHA'RE_**

My captor is sleeping but I cannot.

These past few months on Abydos I prayed yet I feared Daniel would come and find me there. That he would see and know the shame I had hidden from my Father.

I had no idea that my Father had gone to the pyramid to meet him so I was shocked when my husband walked in.

Daniel looked so horrified when he saw where the child lay. His voice became cold and hard as he refused to believe me before he walked out.

x

In that moment I feared the Goa'uld had managed to completely destroy my life as I believed Daniel no longer loved me.

But he does.

He held me in his arms; he whispered I was safe and that he would take me somewhere where Apophis would never find me.

I know he tried and I love him for that.

As the child started to come I just wanted him to make it stop, I needed him to stop it. He couldn't and though he knew Ammonet would emerge as soon as the child came he stayed by my side through it all.

_"I said I am not leaving her, Teal'c."_

x

I wish there was someway I could escape and find him but I am stuck here. This thing inside of me makes me a prisoner.

But for one small moment I prevailed.

I stopped her from revealing that he and his friends were watching us. It hurt so much to walk away but it meant Daniel was safe. If anything had happened to him I would not have forgiven myself but he is safe and his friends shall take care of him until we can be together again.

It was because I couldn't let Apophis harm him that I walked through the Stargate with the Demon.

x

Watching the stars always makes me remember our time together on Abydos; Daniel loved looking at the stars. It was something he did with his parents when he was a child and he passed on that love to me as we sat out on the sand dunes at night, as we learned about each other during our first few weeks together.

I miss that so much.

Being with him, sitting next to him as we talked about anything and everything, teaching each other about our different worlds.

He loved to brush his fingers through my hair or touch my face as we sat together and as he helped me through the birth of the child I felt him do it. The comfort that small gesture brought to me was astounding.

x

Ammonet finds my grief amusing and taunts me constantly but I do not care just now. All I care about now is that I know he loves me and nothing she does can ever take that away from me. And one day I know Daniel shall find me and remove her from me and my life will start once again.

I just have to hold on till then.

But until that day I will let his words whisper in my heart.

_"I love you."_


End file.
